Why it’s OK that your life is all about YOU.

The first thing you have to realize when you set out to live a life on your terms is that your life is all about you.

Your life is all about the people you care about.

It’s about the causes that move you. The ideas that inspire you. The work that drives you.

I read a post by a pretty well known blogger a few days ago that was really good until I got to the part about how you have to realize how life is not all about you and purpose comes from suffering. Here is part of the quote:

…all discovering a call to a more meaningful life through the realization that life is not about them.

These statements make me SO angry. Here is an influential person telling the hundreds of people that read his blog that their life is secondary to something else. These people are going to believe him. They are going to try to make their life about something or someone else. When they realize that they just can’t at the moment, or when they try and it’s not as fulfilling as its ‘supposed’ to be, they are left feeling like they are somehow less of a person or flawed.

I understand the motivation behind this statement. It’s not malicious or evil on purpose. Regardless, it’s destructive to people who don’t yet realize the immense value of their own lives.

Before you can dedicate the purpose of your life to something or someone else, you have to realize how valuable your life is to you. Nothing in this world trumps that. I don’t expect you to live for me. I expect you to live for you.

You will never be able to create a life on your own terms if you keep thinking that you have to live for others.

Forget other people.

Yea I said it. Forget them until you find yourself.

You aren’t going to do them any good until you’ve established your place in this world. After you’re done doing that, you will be better equipped to give to other people.

Here I am writing a post about telling other people to F-off while also trying to help you. Does that make me a hypocrite?

Actually, no. I can do this because I’ve already realized that I hold my life above anything else on the planet.

It’s made me happier than ever knowing that I don’t need permission to make myself happy.

I never have to feel guilty for doing something for myself rather than for someone else, and I always know that when I help and give it’s because I genuinely want to in my heart, and not because someone said that I should.

Humans are social and giving creatures by nature. However, when we are forced to do something out of duty or obligation, the giving turns into something perverted and meaningless.

Find your meaning first. Then when you start giving, it will mean so much more to you than it would have if you gave because that’s what society told you is right to do.

It’s not the act of giving that feels good, it’s the intention behind that act. If your intention is ‘because that’s what good people do’ then you’re in a scary place. If your intention is ‘because it makes me happy seeing them happy’ or any other variation, you’re right on track.

Read my words very carefully.

If you don’t make your life about your happiness, no one else will.

It’s OK to worship yourself. Know your worth.

It’s OK and expected to live for yourself. It will naturally turn into giving, because happy people give.

Your self-esteem is the reputation you’ve developed for yourself inside of yourself. What kind of reputation will exist inside of you if you don’t value yourself? (tongue twister!)

You do not need permission to do what makes you happy. Not from anyone. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone else. That’s NEVER OK

I realize that everything I’m saying is very controversial. Many people will read this and just shut the tab immediately coming to the conclusion that I’m a ‘selfish’ and ‘horrible’ person with no understanding of the ‘higher meaning’ of life. But please, before you do that, consider everything carefully and rationally. You might come to a different conclusion.

{ 15 comments… add one }
  • Natalie Sisson August 15, 2012, 8:09 am

    Wow – you said it sister. I heart you for speaking from your heart and calling us out on this very important topic. It definitely starts with YOU – until you know and love yourself and value yourself then you can’t be of service to others.

    Reply
    • Liz August 22, 2012, 7:51 pm

      I’m not a jerk I swear. You comment went to spam! I trusted Akismet unconditionally and it betrayed me…

      Thank you so much for the comment. It rubs people the wrong way sometimes, because we are all taught to be selfless, but I really believe that the most giving people are the most fulfilled inside…the one’s that have taken care of themselves.

      Reply
  • Sachin Kundu September 10, 2012, 1:25 am

    Such a nice blog i have seen after a long time. Free to talk free from life problems. Liz keep posting, Great content and imaginations of life.

    Reply
  • Cam September 19, 2012, 7:09 pm

    Great post Liz. Thanks for sharing. I completely agree with you. If there’s anything in your life worth being selfish for, it’s your own life.

    “You do not need permission to do what makes you happy. Not from anyone.”

    Boom.

    Reply
    • Liz September 20, 2012, 11:08 am

      Nice Cam. I’m glad you like it. The subject tends to make some uncomfortable. I’m digging your site btw. And your post – The Conscious Competence Model.

      Reply
      • Cam September 20, 2012, 1:19 pm

        Thanks Liz. I’m glad you like the site. It’s actually built off the same MD framework. We have so much in common. 😛

        Reply
  • Pete Ferguson April 18, 2013, 9:00 am

    Excellent point, Liz. Well stated.

    “It’s OK to worship yourself. Know your worth.” is spot on.

    Pete

    Reply
    • Liz April 19, 2013, 11:23 am

      Thank you Pete!

      Reply
  • Jim Monty March 3, 2014, 11:34 am

    I would like to read that post you quoted to see the statement in context. I enjoy your posting very much. Keep it going.

    Reply

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